I am striving to be intentional about my wandering. I was a city girl who grew up with itchy feet that wanted to travel the world, and then I married a country boy with an empty passport. Unbeknownst to me, the best adventures were yet to come!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Even If He Does Not
Answers to prayer are those wonderful moments that I all too often take for granted. I've been blessed in my life to have many of them, dare I say countless times? My husband. My daughter. My family. And of course, ones much more specific than these. Yet over the course of this past year, God's been teaching me about what it means when prayers seemingly go unanswered... When I was awake in the wee hours of the night with a baby who wouldn't sleep, long after friends had little ones who "slept through the night at ## weeks", and all I had energy left for was tears to roll down my face, or the jobs that didn't come for my father, or the friends who prayed so hard and so long for a miracle and still lost their full-term baby.... In these moments, I have clung to the words of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, faced with certain death:
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Daniel 3:16-18 NIV)
Even if doesn't allow sleep. Even if he doesn't provide a job. Even if he doesn't heal that baby this side of heaven. Even if he doesn't... Moments when my faith is tested. Moments when I must acknowledge His sovereignty with my heart, not just my head. When the ache is real. Moments when I can't explain it. When the weaving of this earthly tapestry seem a mess...and a little bit of sleep really would help. It makes me long for my heavenly home when it will finally make sense. Those men had it right. Yet I will praise.